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Tranquillusionist: Punchlines

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This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, in the interests of temporarily trying to stop that feeling where you think your brain is trying to claw its way out of your skull, read the punchlines to classic jokes.

This episode, including a transcript, resides at; see if you can figure out all the jokes they belong to.

Find all the Allusionist episodes - other Tranquillusionists and also ones that are actually about something - at

The original music is by Martin Austwick. Hear Martin's songs at or on Spotify, and he's @martinaustwick on Twitter and Instagram.

The Allusionist is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a collective of the finest independent podcasts. Listen to them all for free on your podding app or at

I make two other podcasts, Veronica Mars Investigations and Answer Me This, which are mercifully unconnected to current events, if you're seeking some escape from those.

The Allusionist's online home is Stay in touch at, and